Follow The White Rabbit

2006-06-18T18:06:00.000-07:00

Leap of faith. Words on a screen, anonymous, telling Neo to follow the white rabbit. Who is telling him this? How in the heck is he supposed to follow something he has no idea what it is or where/how to find it? His belief in what he is looking for will drive him to follow this rabbit but just one problem, where is the frickin rabbit?

I have been searching for that white rabbit for almost 6 years now. I want to follow it. I have the drive, determination and the conviction to follow it. I just cannot for the life of me find it to follow. There have been false rabbits but no true white rabbits leading me to my guide to lead me to my mentor. The rabbit took Neo to Trinity who took him to Morpheus who brought him to the oracle who helped him become The One, to noto nly see his potential but to achieve it. Even though it was he who needed to walk the path, he still needed to be shown the path. This wasn't a generic thing for Neo. He was singled out, his path towards the truth was particular and individualized. He wasn't left to figure it out on his own.

This is how I feel sometimes. I was plucked out of the Matrix, shown the "real world" spent some time training on the ship and then sent out. I had exposure to the morpheuses and oracles of the world but I don't feel I had MINE. I am in search of my Trinity, so to speak. I know the key to it all is to find the white rabbit because it will lead me to her. Once I find her, she will lead me to the rest.

So, until then I sit at my compute night after night and search. I wait for those words to sudenly appear on my screen: Knock Knock The Real Neo.

The Real Neo

2006-06-10T22:53:00.000-07:00

Like every story, this one has a beginning. It starts with a choice. Red pill or blue pill. If I take the blue pill I go to sleep, wake up and believe whatever I want to believe. If I take the red pill I get to see just how deep the rabbit hole goes.

"I know what you're thinking. Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill?" You know what Cypher? I am wondering that. Sometimes I think that the day my mom died I should have taken that blue pill and swallowed it with as much water as I could find. I was going down THAT road and yes; I knew where it was heading. It was predictable and safe but you know what, it wasn't this hard. I belonged. I didn't realize how much but I belonged. I knew the world and how to navigate through it. The world might have been "fake" but ignorance is bliss, right?

Instead, I take the red pill and my world got turned upside down. I enter the rabbit hole and I am still finding out how deep it goes. Some days I miss the Matrix. G-d forgive me but I do. Every day is such a struggle that I just dream of the simplicity of life before.

"Kansas, it's going bye bye." Indeed it is. This isn't a movie though, this is my life.